Category Archives: UK Dive Trips

“Comedy bus tours”

The Devine Comedy wrote and sang about a famous coach touring company ”The National Express……!’ and the all forever young hymn singer Cliff Richard not only sang about but also starred in ‘Summer holiday’…………..this time in a London red bus……

If only they had been divers!!!!!! PADI has a lot to answer for……….i should probably add BSAC here too!!!

Friday morning, 6am, an early start; shower, toilet, breath on hand!!! fall on the floor!?!?! (best brush the fangs then) and pack!!!

Surprisingly spritely for this time in the morning I risked waking Wifey for a lift to the club to start my holiday – while she has to work! Not a happy bunny, but up she gets and after remembering the all important Kindle (other brands of e-reader are available) we’re off, into the cold and wet that was Friday morning.

Pulling up out side the club, sad good byes were said followed closely by salutations and the cursory, but friendly insults between us divers. The tension was building along with the slowly increasing size of  dive kit and baggage in the mini buses rear ’12 bags Jackie…..really…..?’ someone commented, Jackie said  ‘gotta have my gadgets……’ though there was no mention as to what gadgets were implied……surprisingly innuendo began early that morning.

Waiting waiting waiting…..it felt like an age putting together the last parts, and checking the bus before leaving. Carl asked to take the first stint at driving and of course both George and me said ‘OK’. We kicked the tyres, all was good I reversed out of the car park and Carl took the drivers seat…..’I cant reach the pedals…..’ said Carl  best be getting the booster seat then…

Conversation was rampant and exciting and with Carl listening to Radio 1 and the strange sounds it was producing we did all we could to ignore it…..the problem was Carl performing the ‘loaded finger point’ and bouncing on his seat in time with the treble (there was no base to be heard). How he kept his feet on the pedals i just don’t know…..

It’s about 8am, the  hunger pangs were audible above the the groaning of the engine and the traffic at junction 10 on the M25 brought us to a near halt. Through the murk a bright and shinning light began to call to certain passengers, a clear voice penetrated the sound of the  bus like the howling of a proverbial werewolf…..’ Mc Donalds….. pull off here…..‘ to be fare it was probably all of us….

Why does cheap nasty food act as such a draw when your overly hungry? No time to discuss now, lets just get some tuck……Not bowing to any sponsors other fast foods were available and consumed with the same…..enjoyment? to return later for others to enjoy too, such a sharing bunch.

Not one for ‘nick name’s (though Wifey has many for me….) certain personalities started to emerge and what with there being seven of us it seemed fitting to label these personalities after the dwarfs, though I preferred Elves, Elfs (the distinction for those not in the know boils down to whether you have read Tolkien’s The Hobbit or Lord of the rings….shame on you if you haven’t) Faeries and Pixies. The first to appear was ‘The dangerous pixie‘, for the time being I think it best I protect the identities of these individuals (like the Super Hero’s they are…) though I will reveal all later. There was an appearance of the elusive ‘Angry beaver‘  towards the end of the day though I am shamed to admit that like the Incredible Hulk the seat of his power lies in a purely emotional response while under pressure, an attribute that all divers can relate to. The pressure came from the back of the bus…… the resulting outburst was shocking….you know who you are?

Lunch time; I can’t recall where we stopped at the moment, but I do remember the cost of the sandwich and coffee….no change from a tenner. As is typical with the British Public we all got to partake in a nice queue (one of three to chose from….) while waiting to be served by the unsmiling staff. I can honestly say that had the young lady serving our line been walking close to the water line on the beach, I would have come to her rescue and pushed her back in the water (as this is where she appeared to have come from…). When our turn came round the smile she gave us not only broke us of the need for sustenance but also the lens on my camera….I am sure that comment will cost me….insert your own photo here.

Finally it was my time to drive, setting up my driving position I adjusted the seat pre-load to accommodate my weight….you will know I am larger then Carl. Strangely I did not need to adjust it much……it now made sense as to why Carl was bouncing so much earlier with his ‘Loaded finger’ dance…..65 mph max was comfortable but the wind and rain made it fun. The intense coffee blast hit hard with caffeine, I plugged in the Moth Pod (A Wifey nick name…no innuendo please) and I urged the bus to top speed. With the aid of what can only be described as  ‘Pixie magic’  aka, caffeine hit, I fell into auto pilot  like a good BA pilot on long haul and we cruised on to Inverness, Scotland and home of the Queen’s English.

To be continued…and pictures to follow…………………..

It was the calm before the storm,

The out come and dilemma of the who would fill the last mini bus driver position hung high over  the remaining divers. All of them were polite, offering to take the job of the day long trip but secretly agendas aiming for the comfy rear seats were afoot !!!!!!!!

The choice was made, it was going to be me! having offered to drive on the first trip I found the chance to drive this time an overwhelmingly  uncomfortable experience to look forward too, but the company was going to great and the trip was going to start as it meant to go on………fantastic…………

Thursday afternoon came along, I got the call and suddenly PANIC !!!!!!! only 5 mins before I have to leave work and make for the rental shop, the phone rang??? do I answer or do I make a break for it? The office door slammed and the key turned ‘click’…… the phone was still ringing…….good old answer phone.

As is typical when you are tight for time, you portrait this psychic aura that screams “stop me now and hold me up i have plenty of time for meaningless chitchat and waffle, I really don’t need to know your problems right this second. i have some where to be !!’ Bitter? yes I was. The 5 minute walk to the car took 10, and the traffic was building, I could smell it but finally I was in the car and rushing to get home. again the agencies were kenieving to keep me from my goal, the clock ticking I had to seek help. Instructor extraordinare Carl rushed to my aid ‘Carl please please please call the rental shop for me I may be a little later then 5”  it was 4.50 and I was 15 minutes away, so the satnav said. Ring Ring, it was Carl ‘Mate, the shop is open till 6pm, the lady said to take your foot off the accelerator and calm down……..’. Suddenly relief washed over me and the car seat felt so much better.

Home, park the car, open the front door, DAM key wont work!!!! curse and swear!!!!!  dog barks and the cat threatens me on the doorstep. Now where did I leave the paper license and utility bill. TICK TICK TICK…..Let the dog out, avoid the cat and make a break for the door. Key worked, YAYE ….

Back on the road and the trip continued to the rental shop. Now starts the battle royal of peak time traffic. Keeping calm I made a break for it and 15 minutes later I made the shop, 10 minutes later and after some pertinent questions as to how I drive ! ! ! I am on the drivers list, if only I told them the truth……….

Now to the club to drop off the dive gear, happy times are coming.

Arriving late as usual the gang were hanging round the back of the mini bus like bears round honey….so sweet.  after the cursory salutations and comedic insults it was out with the dive gear to load up. Jackie (Mother Hen) took point and led the loading process like a pro (having at least 12 bags herself….what did she say about her toys and gadgets…..?) and saying good night for the few hours before the off, I drove home taking the scenic route, still to pack ‘oh joy and rapture’ and wondering where we will be stopping for breakfast and if I will get any choice in the matter…….

To be continued……

Wednesday 9th October

Everyone assembles as instructed on the quay side to find out whether the weather would stop today’s diving……. It’s blowing 30mph and gusting up to 40 but looking at the harbour you would never know! It’s not going to be pleasant but Emily is willing to take the boat out to try and get a dive in. She is confident the boat can handle it is more a case of can we!

Decision made…. the softy explorers agree to have a day at leisure to take in the sights of Stromness. The weather is trying to be bright but there are regular showers, followed by rainbows.

A lot of famous people have been born, passed through or settled in Stromness and blue plaques have been put up to commemorate them. A walking route can be followed from the tourist information office to the museum. It is a small museum with lots of information about lighthouse keeping, Arctic Explorers, fishing and the Scapa Flow wrecks.

Back on the Radiant Queen the iron stomached explorer heads out on the boat to dive the stern of the Dresden. On the surface the wind has really picking up and the waves are breaking overhead on the surface and it is most definitely not for the faint-hearted. With everyone safely back on board supping hot tea and agreeing that the dive was well worth the effort the Queen speeds back to the calm of the harbour.

 Thursday 10th October

 What a difference a day makes!…… The weather has calmed and although still a little bumpy the trip out to the dive site is much more pleasant.

Today we will dive the third and final battleship, the Konig which is 146m in length and sitting at 38m. She is the least intact due to heavy salvage work but offers the opportunity to see things normally hidden deep inside. Emily gives an incredibly detailed dive briefing and suggests exploring the engine rooms via the salvers damage on the top of the wreck which leaves a large area of the citadel exposed with lots to visit and explore if you know what to look out for!

Once again the three descend the shot line eagerly wanting to investigate the wreck. STOP! One of our explorers is missing vital equipment so must return to the boat and sit this one out (oops – dive computer!). Safely seen back to the surface the remaining two continue their descent on to the massive wreck. Emily had been very specific with her instructions on which way to go or else treasures could be missed – was it left or right she said??

Moving along, various doorways and hatches are visible leading off the main engine rooms along with lots of different pipes and rails covered in anemones and different plant life. Proceeding towards the stern at a steady pace the explorers decide not to descend any lower as it looks dark and ominous. Consequently most of the treasures that Emily had covered in her briefing were missed but never the less it is a great dive.

The conversation over lunch consists mainly of what some DID NOT see along with how much No Fly time our fellow travellers were accruing and how this would affect their diving on Friday!

Warmed and refuelled it was on to the SMS Brummer. This Bremse class mine-laying Light Cruiser displaced 4,300 tons and was 140 metres long. Emily informed us this was a sneaky ship as it was built to resemble the British Aurora cruisers. In silhouette she was a dead ringer and had an additional mast that could be raised and lowered depending on whether she was in enemy or friendly waters making this a very cunning ship indeed!  She now sits in 36 metres and lies on her starboard side with the area around her engine room suffering from extensive blasting. Key things to be looking out for are the bridge and the Iris from the spotlights which are unique to this wreck.

The explorers enter the water, following multiple equipment checks, descending the shot onto the port rail just behind the bridge area and then onwards to the sea bed. Slowly proceeding forwards to the bridge wreckage, the explorers survey the sea bed for the searchlight iris.

WOW, there it is sitting on the sea bed. What a sight! And just next to it a huge whelk! Magic!

Further inspection of the bridge and the collapsed conning tower reveals the charismatic steel lattice support work that was used around the bridge area. Drifting forward past the guns the deck peels away above and then back to the shot along the port side of the ship, looking into portholes and hatches on the way. The ascent takes a little longer this time as 5 minutes of deco has been accrued!

Once all back on board the conversation once again turns to no fly time……. The explorers sit smugly smiling to each other knowing they can do two dives tomorrow 🙂

Friday 11th October

Today is the intrepid explorers’ last day on the Radiant Queen and everyone reflects on what a fantastic week it’s been…. But it’s not over yet……. Some still have two dives left!

Everyone gathers early to ensure the fliers can get a dive in and the decision is made that those who can only dive once want to end the trip on a big, deep dive so it’s back to the Markgraf!

The sea is like glass – a real contrast to Wednesday and it promises to be a marvellous last day.

With one explorer still a bit worried by “big and deep”, two brave boys plan their dive – descend the stern shot line , spend the dive inspecting her rather beautiful bottom, come up onto the top of the hull and look around before ascending the bow shot. No problem, easy peasy!!.

Once in the water and composed the explorers descend the 35 metres to the stern of the ship. Almost immediately they notice the two rows of portholes which are almost directly in front.  Slowly moving towards the back of this vast vessel, looking up they see her huge starboard rudder hove into view – this is simply incredible! Once the stern has been explored they swim up between her rudders, which look as if they could steer her out of here at any moment. They continue on along the ridge of her keel and move up and past the salvage damage caused when entering into the engine rooms. Finning towards the bow, keeping the bilge keel between them the explorers bid farewell to this once graceful lady of the sea. Having been keeping a careful eye on their deco time the explorers have to spend an additional 9 minutes off-gassing.

On board Emily treats everyone to warm homemade muffins….. YUM!

United for their final dive the explorers decide on an easier dive that offers something for everyone so it’s back to the barge and the F2!

What a spectacular dive.  Huge guns and tiny sea slugs…… We are even treated to the sight of a Shag diving in to the water to catch fish – AMAZING!

Once back on board kits is gathered, hoodies are purchased and plans made for beers in the evening.

Saturday 11th October

With all the bags loaded into the bus the explorers leave the Divers Lodge and head to the ferry terminal – literally just across the road. Once boarded they settle into three comfy chairs and ponder the week they have had and the 15hrs of driving still to come!

Monday 7th October

We arrived at the boat at 8.30 and all suits have been fixed by the Scuba elves and are hanging up ready for another days diving…… The work is so good you can’t see where the excess 2 inches have been removed!

We are quickly under way racing to the dive site. Emily explains that this morning we are going to dive the ‘COLN’, a Dresden class cruiser and sister ship of the Dresden, which we dived yesterday. She lies on her starboard side with a depth of 35 metres but extends up to 22 metres at her shallowest point.

1,2,3….. Grab the shot line, confirm no leaks and we descend. We start by looking around the bridge area. Just forward of the bridge is the conning tower, which still has most of the range finder in place (one arm is missing), with the space between clearly showing the remains of the walkway and structure. The conning tower door is open with interesting paraphernalia viewable along with the muzzle of a gun which was pushed through the side of the tower when the ship settled.

We then move along the deck towards the bow and pass 2 highly impressive gear and pivot mechanisms for the 5.9 inch forward mounted guns (which have been salvaged) before swimming on to the deck winches. Just below and above these, on the edge of both sides of the deck, are what appear to be empty chain boxes. We swim past these and follow the lower rail until we reach the bow post and admire her beautiful curves!

We are getting close to time so head back along the upper rail toward the shot line stopping to admire the smooth anchor shaped indentation on our way by.

Back on board and time for some lunch. After much discussion the decision is made to remain on the Coln and dive her stern.

We descend the same shot line and move toward the stern along the top rail, past two large lifeboat davits, until we came to a large torpedo storage locker mounted on the deck; this is now empty and you can clearly see from one end to the other. Continuing on we then come to some serious wreckage indicating the point at which salvagers entered into the engine room. As briefed we descend and follow the wreckage spill passing the stern mast laying stretched out on the sea bed. We ascend a little and swim along the roof of the officers accommodation (a deck house) which has one of the 2 stern guns mounted on top of it. This is quite spectacular, the gun is complete and the gun mounting can be viewed disappearing through the floor of the deck house into the ship below. Swimming on the second gun can be viewed on the deck directly aft of the house, carrying on around the stern and back toward the rudders via some rather lovely portholes. We tried looking for an opening that would allow us to view the manual emergency steering wheels, but we have run out of time so ascend onto the upper port rail and swim across the salvage wreckage before being reunited with the shot line.

What an awesome day!

Tuesday 7th October

Today is Battleship Day and we gather excitedly at the quay. There is much discussion about the weather as the wind is getting up and may scupper our Scapa adventures. With one eye on the weather Emily starts the dive briefing…… This morning we will dive the SMS Markgraf, a Konig class ship, 146 metres in length and weighing in at a mighty 26,000 tons sitting almost up turned on the sea bed at 45 metres. WOW! The briefing gives numerous options on how best to spend your bottom time but one of our adventurers decides this is an adventure too far so lets the brave boys explore by themselves.

The Markgraf has 10 x 12 inch guns which are completely buried underneath her in the silt and are not visible at any point. However, her starboard array of 7 x 5.9 inch casement guns are completely visible running down the side of the citadel, just off the seabed at a depth of about 38 metres. The brave decide to ‘do the gun run’ followed by an inspection of the beautiful rear of the upturned hull.

The boys descend onto the hull, just before the bow section and torpedo tube salvage damage. The shot is tied off to the anchor chain which is draped across the hull having wrapped itself around the ship as she rolled over. Having composed themselves at the bottom of the shot, they followed the chain in the wrong direction toward the far port side. Fortunately realising the error of their ways they turn around and follow the chain back across the upturned hull for 30 metres which gives an incredible feeling of just how vast this ship really is.

Dropping over the side into the ever increasing gloom, time is given for eyes to adjust and move forward to attempt to locate the most forward of the casement guns; success, what a sight! The long barrel simply appears out of the darkness. 1,2,3,4,5 guns poking out from beneath the 6.75 inch steel of the rotating turrets. We slowly ascend up onto the keel of this giant dreadnaught to the salvers damage. We spend some time looking round the gaping chasm which drops down through several decks of the engine room and view the prop shafts. Following her curves we continue towards the stern until the hull drops away in the direction of the rudders but these would have to wait for another day……

Safely back on the surface the routine of a pint of tea, warm up and briefing starts again. The wind has whipped up and the water is getting choppy. Emily once again sets about briefing us on our next dive; this was to be the Kronprinz Wilhelm, the sister ship of the Markgraf. She lies upturned in 38 metres with her keel at about 18 and the highlight of this dive would be visiting the 2 stern mounted, 12 inch gun turrets which can just be accessed on the port side of the vessel under the overhanging deck.

Now back at full complement, we descend the line down to about 34 metres before dropping the last few metres to attempt our visit to these huge 12 inch guns. From the outside you could see the upper gun lying alongside what had once been the top of the turret behind her. Moving along towards the stern ascending a little we pass a row of portholes and then give a quick pat of her pert little backside (on Emily’s behalf) before ascending over the stern to the 2 huge rudders still standing proudly above us. Having taken in the enormity of these 2 structures we ascend up toward the bottom of the ship being careful not to get drawn into the salvers wreckage as we go. As we move down the vast expanse of the hull we find a long lattice work of steel supports that held the armour plating in place before the salvers struck. As the cold starts to strike and our air is running low we signal the end of the dive and the SMB is sent to the surface.

As predicted the weather has picked up and it’s now blowing 20 mph gusting to 30 but forecasting worse for tomorrow which could mean no diving at all. Emily decides to offer a third dive in a more sheltered spot so we are in credit….. This would be the F 2, a German 2nd World War escort vessel similar to a destroyer and the YC 21, the barge that was being used in a salvage operation on the F 2 when she also sank in a storm. The F 2 measures 81 metres in length with a beam of 9 metres and displaced 756 tons. She lies on her port side and the stern has been severely wrecked by salvers over the years to the extent that it is barely recognisable as a ship. The two vessels lie 50 metres apart and are joined by a rope.

Feeling a little tired from all the exploring two adventurers decide to rest in the warmth of the Queen and send the single brave soul out to find new buddies! United with new friends the adventurer descends the line to the deck of the barge, which sits upright in 18 metres of water. Her open hold still contains the twin 20 mm anti-aircraft gun that had been salvaged from the F 2 prior to the night of the storm that sank the barge along with another single barrelled gun that lies underneath it. Emily recommended entering the hold to see the work bench with storage racking above and a large engineers vice clamped to its corner.

Having explored the barge the rope is followed to the F 2 and then the bow is investigated. The starboard anchor cable is still in place and runs from the anchor capstans, through the bow hawse and then down to the sea bed. Further along, the barrel of her 4.1 inch gun looms into view with its turret, which has an open back and the breach and inner workings are easily viewable. At such a shallow depth it is perfect for a picture to show the others what they have missed!

Back on the surface getting on the lift is a bit more challenging. Once all explorers are back aboard the Queen speeds back to the safety of the port. There is much discussion and weather checking……

Will we dive tomorrow………